DEAR MASSI,

I feel the actions of my husband have not helped. I am not from this area and and my family lives in Scotland. My husband was offered a job in London and has got a rented flat near to his new office where he stayed during the week, coming home to me at weekends.

We have been living like this for the past couple of months and I feel so lonely all the time when he is away. I suggested we move to London together but he doesn't seem that keen on the idea and says he wants to get a job back here.

I hardly see him now and he even stays weekends in London now just to avoid getting into an argument with me.

My in-laws don't seem to help either and I have no frineds and wish I had never got married. I have told my mum about the situation but she says I should 'stick with it' just like she did.

TH

MASSI SAYS,

Long-distance relationships are fraught with problems. They require couples to have a solid relationship, one that is based on flexibility and trust. It seems that neither of you feels this way. And this is not surprising really; almost since day one of your marriage you've effectively lived apart and this is no way to build a loving and trusting relationship. However, there's no reason why you can't work at this now. Talk with your husband and explore just what it is you both want from this marriage. And please do this quickly. I also feel you should talk to your family and if mum doesn't understand someone else to tell them exactly what is getting you down.

Cracks are already developing and, if you ignore them, I am not optimistic that your marriage will last much longer. If you find it difficult to get this process started, I suggest you arrange to see a Relate counsellor (number in your local phone book).