THERE are some rum goings-on in banking. It's a closeted cosmos of high finance where people dealing in stratospheric amounts of money speak a different language to those reared the years pre and early post Second World War.

In those days of tight domestic budgets, only the risk-takers or the "flash" bought anything "on tick" unless it came under the heading of affordable.

We still get palpitations when our wheeling and dealing exceeds four figures -- as in £99.99 -- and the UK's rocketing national debt involving credit cards, the sum of which could underwrite George Bush's lunatic scheme to put men on Mars, is enough to have us doubting the collective sanity of our fellow Brits -- though it doesn't seem to worry them unduly. These thoughts were running through my head this week when I heard and read that the Abbey, formerly the Abbey National, one of the major financial institutions in Great Britain, was relocating its call centre to India, with the loss of 400 jobs in Warrington, Derby and Bradford. The Abbey is the latest in a growing number of British companies so doing, the reason being money, as salaries in Asian call centres are reportedly at least £10,000 less per employee per annum.

The Abbey management admitted it was seeking to fill the black hole left by a whopping £984million loss after business loans went spectacularly wrong, leading to a 50 per cent fall in the company's share price. Try to get your head round that -- £984m. Have the suits responsible for that catalogue of disasters lost THEIR jobs, having been relocated to Outer Mongolia, not to a call centre but a "don't ever call us again" centre?

And what about the saying we bandied about for aeons: "Safe as the Bank of England." Safe? Not any more, I'm afraid. The epicentre of finance in the UK, a bastion of the international monetary system, with a reputation for being scrupulous in its dealings, is being sued for £1bn in compensation over its alleged failure to adequately supervise the Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI), which collapsed in 1991, owing £5bn to 80,000 depositors, mostly small investors, many of whom were ruined.

The liquidators Deloitte & Touche, who have been trying for more than 10 years to bring the case to court, have accused the Bank of England of incompetence in monitoring the rapid growth of BCCI before it imploded.

The Bank will call three former governors, including Sir Edward George, to fight its corner. If it loses what its officials describe as an "outrageous case", the British taxpayer will be left to pay the £1bn compensation. Now there's a happy thought for all you PAYEs and self-assessed.

One final question. If banks have computers which self-combust when you or I go a couple of quid over our overdraft, leading to threats to impound the house, wife, kids, car, washing machine and anything else saleable, how can hugely salaried officials lose zillions and be simply pensioned off? Outer Mongolia must be filling up daily.