MOST pantomimes include stage effects such as thunder and lightning, musical crescendos and great smoke-screens. All there to confuse the audience.

But can any of them bring the house down quite like a millionaire shedding crocodile tears. I wonder what Noel Edmunds' weeping tastes like, probably not salty like ours.

Like the old ham he is, hands were wrung for the 'poor people of Morecambe' for whom he feels so sorry. Well, he needn't plumb the depths of his emotions any longer, for in the true tradition of theatre the villain often turns out to be the saviour, and he well and truly exposed the feet of clay of the people we entrust with our taxes and protection of our assets.

Now, with any luck, the next time our councillors are inflamed with irrational urges en masse, especially when the word bottom plays a crucial part, we can rest assured they will lie down until the fever subsides.

The thought of a repeat of all that painful media attention, accompanied by derision in the press, is sure to cool their ardour should they get enthusiastic again.

Thank goodness the Fairy Godmother was able to whip her magic wand out in the nick of time to ensure that Happy Mount Park remained a public amenity.

Children, no matter what their economic background, will always be able to roam free there in the hours of daylight, unhindered by the humiliating segregation at the money-grabbing turnstiles so curiously acceptable to the followers of Keir Hardy and Karl Marx.

Irene Sutcliffe, Elms Road, Bare.