Open House, with BILL JACOBS. . .

PENDLE peer Tony Greaves was left red-faced as he made his final, and vain, plea for the House of Lords to reject postal voting in the North West for June's local council and European elections.

As he came to his conclusion Lord Greaves stuttered: "I am sorry, my phone is ringing. There are times when one would like to curl up and crawl under a bed."

RIBBLE Valley MP Nigel Evans displayed uncharacteristic cockiness during a debate on post office services. He said he sat on the Tory government benches when Labour accused his party of the "callous" closure of the vital services. He told Labour MPs: "I will sit there again shortly and without crossing the floor of the Commons."

He seems to be relying on a Conservative government victory and his party leader recalling him to the front bench!

BLACKBURN fan and Hyndburn MP Greg Pope, who has stopped attending Ewood Park in favour of Great Harwood, has joined Peter Pike in backing the resurrection of Brighton and Hove Albion FC. Brighton might be bothered though, as since Mr Pope transferred his allegiance to his place of birth, they've started losing.

BURNLEY MP Peter Pike has sponsored a Commons Motion congratulating the Women's Environmental Network and Real Nappy Week. But one colleague joked: "I hope Peter's not taken to wearing nappies, because they would have to be very big."

AFTER three years Rossendale and Darwen MP Janet Anderson thought she had persuaded the Parliamentary authorities to hold an independent review of catering services in the Palace of Westminster. But now she has been told it would be better to hold an internal, rather than an external, review. She exploded: "What's the point? We have had a number of internal reviews and nothing has happened."

CHORLEY MP Lindsay Hoyle mangled English when he said chief executives of North West local authorities "unanimously apart from two" backed using postal voting!