Things in life are never black or white. There are grey areas as I discovered. Entwined into our diverse Asian society is a minority of women who go unnoticed.

'Unnoticed' not in the least because they are not seen, but rather because they are not wanted to be seen by the rest of our civil society. I am referring to the women who are divorced. But you see, it's not as plain as that.

There are some women who are still 'married' yet have not been living with their counterparts for many years. Women who have no ties at all with their husbands, some who haven't even seen their husbands in years, yet are still united by the tie of holy matrimony.

I met 'T', a 24-year-old demure lady. At 19 her parents thought it wise that she marry. They were of the perception that marriage would prevent their daughter from being enticed by the wayward ways of the western world.

So she was married. Within weeks of their marriage it became evident that things weren't right. Her husband would arrive home late from 'work' doused in an overwhelming scent.

It was obvious he was having an affair. Stuck in a pot, and unable to take anymore, T decided to leave her husband and turned to her family for support. "Instead of telling me that it wasn't my fault and giving me real advice, they told me that their 'izzat' (respect) depended on me going back.

"They told me that I should think about my younger sisters who weren't married. So I went back."

After only one day, the loneliness developed again. She had come from a large, noisy family. The silence in her husband's home deafened her. Meals were eaten alone and remained half eaten.

T finally reached the end of her tether, but before she could act and leave she returned home one day to find her clothes ruggedly packed in supermarket carrier bags. Her husband told her to "get out of his house".

His mistress moved in shortly after and one illegitimate child later they married.

She had nowhere to go. Her husband refuses to divorce her officially. She has no redress legally as she has never been lawfully married. Put simply the law would recognise her solely as a cohabitee.

But not all stories have a similar saga as I found when I spoke with G. She has been divorced from her ex-husband for 4 years.

Now 29 with 2 children it was the children who motivated her." If it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't be here now. My husband assaulted me through my so called marriage, I couldn't let him do it to my children."

Luckily for her she had been legally wed and so was entitled to a share in her ex-husband's lot. "I didn't want anything from him. I didn't want anything to do with him. But I had two small children to think about. My part time job wasn't enough so I took what my kids deserved." Her ex-husband hasn't seen the children in years, nor does he ask to. He has married again. When I asked her about the divorce itself she said, "It is demeaning. I felt to blame."

In both cases they have found it immensely difficult to build a life up again in the absence of strong family support.

There are many women out there who are in similar situations, not knowing where to turn when things get tough.

There are many women who need help. We cannot simply continue to sweep separated and divorced women under the carpet. Yet on a more national level, we need to bring this matter to the attention of the legal minds.

The Law Society have been made aware of the predicament that Asian women face when they are married according to their religious laws and not the laws of this country.

In fact they have been aware for far too long and still nothing has been done. In order to get over this problem, religious wedding ceremonies would have to be recognised as forming legal relations. This however, in itself would present problems. So where to?