car insurance is big business in the UK and competition fierce, judging by junk mail and the number of adverts on terrestrial and satellite television.

I'm told by people who know about these things that it is possible to get a decent deal if you shop around.

That has not been my experience, possibly because I have more negatives than positives on my application, or haven't yet managed to discover a company prepared to insure a 70-year-old, semi-retired journalist/musician with an estate car which can accommodate a drum kit and, occasionally, a couple of retired greyhounds.

My quest for motor insurance has led to a mixture of hilarity and amazement. I have what some people describe as a weird sense of humour and find it difficult to suppress maniacal laughter when someone does or says something directly opposite to what I had been expecting.

For example, Quote Me Happy didn't. Another time I asked Age Concern to handle my car insurance shortly after I turned 65. Like every company to whom I have talked, before or since, they asked me to go through a list of questions.

I was doing great until it came to whether I was retired. When I said "no", the conversation took a definite negative swerve and I was firmly but politely told that I didn't fit the necessary criteria.

I wonder if recent legislation moving the goalposts on people working until 70 and beyond will make car insurance with Age Concern as rare as a Penny Black!

With so many companies competing for business, one could be forgiven for thinking that getting an attractive quote wouldn't be all that hard. Wrong.

Unless one happens to be in relatively risk-free employment, say a man, or woman, of the cloth, living in an area whose postcode doesn't come under the sub-title of 'Dodge City'.

And also has a history of total abstinence, is a non-smoker, doesn't cover more than 4-5,000 miles per annum, has a garage strong enough to withstand nuclear attack, can boast at least five years without a claim -- a minor miracle in our crime-ridden society -- and has never, ever, had a traffic violation, then talking to the nodding dog or the white-haired chap who made a zillion with those Death Wish movies isn't going to be a productive few minutes.

Companies will insure you, but at a price and if the minuses outweigh the pluses, cover will come at a cost which, in my case, would have been enough to buy a decent house when I was a lad.

It's not as if I'm the Mill Girl's Jensen Button. Yes I do admit to a couple of speeding offences in recent years but they were both in the mid-30mph and camera-related prosecutions, yet my premium is in excess of £1,000, and I had to struggle to get that, believe me.

I'm absolutely certain that the vast majority of people reading this piece will at some time have had their car stolen, vandalised or broken into.

Vehicle crime across the UK has become so endemic that premiums have gone through the roof.

Maybe that's what this working past 65 is all about. Only those with a regular income in the region of 30k pa will be able to afford car insurance.

Calm down dear, it's only a commercial.