I THINK I need some funding. It will be for a new project about nothing and it aims to achieve nothing.

Maybe I'll even have a launch event some time in the future where everyone is given a chance to speak.

I hear a free buffet is good for business so I'll think I'll have one of those too. I could have six or seven such buffets throughout the year, each one bigger than the last.

I might make myself chairman..no vice chairman...no secretary treasurer.

Seeing as everyone else is at it I might as well throw my name into the hat. There's money out there somewhere I am told and all you have to do is apply.

Unfortunately most of us have no idea where this money is and how to apply.

In fact if I wanted to set my project up tomorrow I wouldn't have a clue what to do and where to access the money.

I'm sure there are people who do. But, of course, they are unlikely to share any of their information with me because if they did there would be less money available for them.

The number of organisations around these days makes me wonder whether there's any point in going to work at all.

It seems it is much easier to set up an organisation or produce a work of art and get funding for it. All you need is a bright idea.

OK, there are many bona fide organisations out there making a difference to people's lives.

But I get the feeling there are plenty of dodgy ones too.

I only say this because I came across one such organisation recently at a small event.

It didn't actually seem to do anything, but the organisation had decided it needed a treasurer, a secretary, an under secretary and a chairman...and an executive chairman.

What on earth is an executive chairman?

After attending the launch I still didn't know what the organisation actually did.

After reading the aims and objectives I was still puzzled and decided it would be impolite to quiz the executive chairman.

But what I did learn is that an idea is everything.

It makes good sense to come up with a long-winded name with a meaning to scare the pants off the funders.

The Association For The Underprivileged Columnists Fund - or AUCF for short. That should do nicely!

ON a lighter note it is good to see those wardens keeping a close eye on all those parked cars.

Now, I was under the impression that a parking warden is supposed to walk up and down the street and look out for illegally parked vehicles.

They'll slap a ticket on a Toyota here, get abused by a van driver over there - that's the general gist isn't it?

However, one or two are simply standing next to the cars and seem to be guarding them - like personalised vehicle security fellows.

Maybe we should just all get rid of car alarms now because these wardens will do the job for us?