BRACE yourself. Deep breath. This is through gritted teeth: Well done, Alex Ferguson!
There, I've said those four words I thought I'd never have to cough up.
I've been brought up to despise three things: The taxman; shopping (especially on a Saturday afternoon), and Manchester United.
I still dislike all three but as I creep ever closer to my 40th birthday, I've come to realise that all three are unavoidable. In fact, as I've grown older and wiser, I've nurtured a grudging admiration for them all: The taxman for taking a quarter of my wages every month without reason or apology; Shops for providing the outlet for the missus to spend what's left of the money after the taxman has skinned me; And for Alex Ferguson, for winding me up for the last 18 years.
Fergie, I applaud you. One thousand games in charge of any team is an achievement to be proud of. One thousand games at the helm of Manchester United is remarkable.
During the last 18 years, he has won eight Premier League titles, five FA Cups, the Champions League and the European Cup Winners' Cup.
I've sworn at the telly on most of those occasions. But most of the time, it's been through jealousy.
Ferguson joined Manchester United from Aberdeen. His first match was a 2-0 defeat to Oxford United in the old First Division on 8 November 1986 - a result which earned him derision from fans up and down the country.
The turning point came in 1990 when a Mark Robins goal in the FA Cup against Nottingham Forest probably saved him from the sack. That's four years in charge! Managers face the sack now if they haven't picked up a win in four games!
That Robins goal was the catalyst for nineties domination. He went on to win the FA Cup that year, and delivered his first league title in 1993 - the first for the club for 26 years. His high points were signing Eric Cantona from deadly rivals Leeds and landing the treble in 1999.
In total, he has won 564, drawn 188 and lost 248 of his 1000 games in charge at Old Trafford.
But it's not all been plain sailing for the Scot.
A long-running feud with horse-racing magnates JP McManus and John Magnier came close to toppling Fergie. The dispute over stud rights to top racehorse Rock of Gibraltar spiralled out of control last year, and the manager found himself at the centre of a row over his future at the club and the way transfer dealings were conducted.
With the argument heading towards court, the stud rights issue was resolved, leaving Fergie free to fight another day.
He's blamed everything from grey kits to pizza over the years, and who could forget that comical night when he accused Forest of rolling over and dying after Kevin Keegan's Newcastle side played them in the title run-in. The Keegan 'I'd Love It' soliloqy ranks up there with Hamlet.
But Fergie has held the dressing room and the club together over the years. And that deserves respect.
I wrote last year - to much condemnation from fans at Old Trafford - that Manchester United's time was up. I could no longer see them as Premiership contenders.
Results this year have backed up my argument.
But Ferguson is a born winner, and he won't let go until his beloved United are back up there challenging. Bringing Wayne Rooney to the club only serves to prove how much he still wants it.
Don't be surprised if United go all the way in the Champions League this season.
And if they do land Europe's biggest prize, it would be a great time for Fergie to go out on top.
What better way for a great British manager to retire - second only to Bob Paisley.
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