It takes more than a couple of funfair rides and a has been pop singer to pass our mela test.

Organisers are already hurriedly trying to book the latest stars for this summer of melas which is getting more hectic every year.

Almost every weekend from now till September will see a different mela taking place somewhere aross the region.

And if that's not enough you can sample the delights of a whole host of melas across the country.

Some of them are just just a waste of money...but how do you know whether to cement the front garden or have a day out?

As a bonus we also feature other summer festivals that have taken our fancy. We travelled high and low last year to bring you a taste of things to come this summer. And for those organisers who got their fingers out weve even got some confirmed acts.

The funfairs, the scraps, the no-shows...so for the fifth year running here goes...

Before all that let's pay homage to the Mela Regulars:

THE SECRET DRINKER: Tries to hide his bottle in a carrier bag or by mixing it into a cola can. When confronted by the police the secret drinker then claims he's a Muslim and therefore couldn't possibly have consumed any alcohol.

THE OUT OF TOWNER: 'When in another town you can do want you want'...that means picking a fight with absolutely anyone and generally being an t**t.

THE SHEELA SHANEE: It's freedom for one day for this lady of leisure and doesn't she take advantage of it.

THE WISE BOY: He never even steps into the mela but instead parks his motor at the entrance and pumps the music up loud. At the end of the days proceedings he will drive around the block about fifteen times before running out of petrol.

THE WEDDING GUEST: He skips the wedding and turns up to have a party instead. All goes well until he spots his dad and then makes a run for it.

The list...

BRADFORD MELA: June 18 - 19 Peel Park

Last year I took my passport with me in case I couldnt get out of the city. Only joking!!! The Bradford clan are a great lot really and the mela is more than a day out. They get the biggest acts and always the biggest crowds. No matter what the 'minnows' say you can do it the normal way or the Bradford way. The Bradford way is much louder. On the down side it can be bummer parking and the second day can be overwhelming if youre not in a big

group. Confirmed attractions: Dalvinder Singh, the Talvin Singh Trio and RDB. The mela is part of the Bradford Festival which is already in full flow.

ROCHDALE MEGA MELA: July 9 Springhill

You would think there's nothing mega about this mela. But it ain't so bad. This year they've apparantly roped in Jazzy B, Gubi Sandhu, Sahara, Raja Kashif, Shola and Spice Entertainment among others. And there's a funfair.

BLACKBURN MELA: July 9-10, Witton Park

It rocks as always but I still haven't forgiven them for moving the mela from Corporation Park. A fresh-faced Raghav, an overhyped Shezad Roy and the magic Hunterz were in town last year and proved to be a hit. The stalls were a bit spread out - as walking long distances can be a problem for an 89-year-old like myself. The tried and tested formula of the past five years needs a slight tweak we say. And for god's sake dont waste your money on the Kabbadi again!!! Not unless Im allowed to join in of course.

This year attractions include; Faakir, Aatta Ullah (The orginal king), Alaap (the original kings!), NRG, Metz and Trex and others.

KIRKLEES MELA: 10 July Greenhead Park, Huddersfield

When you haven't got enough stuff to make two days interesting why not just hold everything on one day and make it that extra special. Ms Scandalous, the Panjabi Hit Squad, Gupsy Aujla, SK1, PdM, and Tigerstyle are all on the bill this year.

MANCHESTER MELA: July 30-31 Heaton Park

Manchester should rule the North of England. The city, the culture, the airport - they should be shipping those stars in by the bucketload. But alas theres too many arguments most of the time. But last year they managed to put all their rivalries aside and put on a good show. It went down well. At Heaton Park there's far more space but does it have the allure of Platt Fields Park? - I am still undecided. Maybe Ill know after this one.

PRESTON MELA: August 7, Avenham Park

Nine years on and the Preston Mela still celebrate with some culture. There's not much going on the main stage for most of the time but they make it up with a whole host of great local acts. When we were there last year there were young and old right at the front of the stage. Now how many times do you see that these days?

PENDLE FESTIVAL: July 30-31, Victoria Park, Nelson

Victoria Park comes alive once a year thanks to this great little bash. Live entertanment from Pakistan and beyond.

HYNDBURN MELA & COMMUNITY FESTIVAL: August 7, Oakhill Park

Totally eclipsed by the bigger melas Accrington's finest still put on a decent show. A subtle blend of all cultures is on display and the festival is aimed at all communties. Weve heard Selinder Pardesi, Dr Zeus and Tasmin Khan of Zee TV are on the cards this year.

LEEDS MELA: Aug 7 Roundhay Park

For some reason Bradford gets all the glory while a little way down the M62 Leeds is quickly catching up with its bigger brother. They were doing well in the City of Leeds until last year when they had a lacklustre second day. The first day was great.

BOLTON MELA: Aug 21 Queens Park

It was about time Bolton had it's own mela and for past couple of years they have been working quietly and quickly to catch up with the crowd. Good wholesome family fun with some rides.

BURNLEY COMMUNITY FESTIVAL: Aug 21, Queens Park, Burnley

Since its inception in 2003 the Reach Burnley Community Festival has grown from strength to strength and brings people of all ages, cultures and backgrounds together.

And the best of the rest:

BIRMINGHAM EID MELA: June 27 Cannon Hill Park

A bit late for an Eid bash isn't it? Maybe it was just an excuse to get some more funding. This year's event includes a variety of music, sports (including kabaddi), dressage and a family fun run, bazaars, fashion shows and radio roadshows. Expect the unsual.

LEICESTER BELGRAVE MELA: 12 - 13 July Abbey Park

Only a three hour drive away but a world away from what were used to. Hindi pop sensation Sonu Nigam is the highlight this time round and Sony Entertainment Television prime time dance show Boogie Woogie comes to the Midlands. Its a party but not as we know it.

MIDDLESBROUGH MELA: 16 July Albert Park

Can you believe this mela is now in its fifteenth year! I didnt know we made it that far up North back then. Its still stomping great fun on Teeside though whatever the weather.

LONDON MELA: 14 August, Gunnersbury park (Ealing)

Old London town never loses its appeal and as always this one is massive. We went last year and lost two of our friends. They later turned up in a West End Musical and are now hoping to make it on Broadway. Just goes to show you never know what might happen in the big city.

NEWCASTLE MELA: Aug 28-29, Exhibition Park

Do you want a pure adrenalin rush? Then pack your jam sandwiches and a flask and take the posse to the North East. Then come back and thank us for printing this.

EDINBURGH MELA: Sept 3-4, Pilrigg Park

Oh..wonderful Edinburgh, how I yearn for you. It can get a bit chilly but the people, the smiles and the entertainment will soon warm you up. Still our favourite for the second year running.

PLUS DON'T MISS!!!

ARTS IN THE PARK: 16-17 July Witton Park, Blackburn

I would walk 500 miles to see the Proclaimers. I dont have to this year. They are the star attraction at this festival. Top stuff.

CARIBBEAN CARNIVAL: Sat 13 Aug

Manchester's answer to Notting Hill is breathtaking. You just feel like taking all your clothes off and dancing to the beat all day long. Dont miss...but we would advise keeping your clothes on!!!