Let me make one thing plain from the outset; I can never condone violent outbursts of any kind.
However, some people are, or can become, prone to them. As with most things, the more we understand about it, the more able we are to do something or seek help, which is the purpose of my column.
Have you ever been in a restaurant where everyone is enjoying themselves, eating, chatting and laughing, and all of a sudden the waiter drops a tray full of dishes or glasses? If you have, you will probably have noticed that everyone immediately goes quiet.
After about a minute or so, once everyone realises it was nothing to worry about, the chatter will recommence, and everything will go back to how it was. There may well be a cheer for the poor embarrassed waiter.
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This happens because the fight/flight part of our brain cannot immediately react to the danger. Instead, it takes a back seat for a moment or two, to allow the intellectual part of our brain to make an assessment, to see if we need to get away from the situation or deal with it in some other way.
The fight-or-flight part of our brain protects us and looks out for us. When it senses we are in danger it will step in to help out and get us ready to flee from something.
It might make us angry; expressing anger is a primitive form of self-defence to frighten off our enemies.
When we are prone to stress, anxiety, and otherwise under pressure, this part of the brain can react instantly, without giving the intellectual side of our brain a chance to reason things out.
Someone with a tendency to fly off the handle at the least little thing may well be suffering from undue stress and anxiety. It could be that they are afraid of a particular situation or person, or it could be simply that they feel out of their depth in an argument or discussion.
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They may also be on ‘red alert’ because of other things which have happened in their early life which have never been dealt with. They may be suffering with PTSD as a result of trauma.
There are in fact many reasons why a person can be suffering in this way. The inevitable result will be that they automatically react before they think things out logically. This leads to unacceptable behaviour and reactions.
It can be equally distressing afterwards for the person who has had the outburst. This can lead to feelings of guilt which leads to more stress and anxiety - and guess what? Yes, on it goes…
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It goes without saying that someone with a tendency to have violent outbursts should get professional help to deal with that and get help for the underlying causes.
However, at the lower end of the scale, if you have found yourself becoming short-tempered and prone to reacting without thinking first, then you may find it helpful if you can get into the habit of taking a deep breath and allowing yourself to just slow down a little before reacting to anything you feel is provoking you. This could be the first step in the right direction to get your stress levels down.
Next week I am taking a look at grief and how it affects our mental well-being.
If you feel you are in a mental health crisis or emergency and may be in danger of causing harm to yourself or others then please contact your GP, the Samaritans on 116 123 or attend A&E.
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