IF you have to empty your bladder before joining the kids on the trampoline, and it’s a few years since you’ve had an uninterrupted view of your feet.

If you know a prolapse has nothing to do with structural engineering, and that the word piles doesn’t have to be followed by the word of... then you’ll be amused, delighted, and even comforted by Louise Roche’s new play, Big Pants and Botox.

Barbara has just survived an eventful “significant” birthday which has got her thinking about many things — not least the merits of big pants and botox.

Join her as she takes us on a hilarious, emotional, intriguing and ultimately uplifting journey.

* Big Pants and Botox is at the Met, Bury, on Thursday, June 2, £12/£10 concessions, 0161 761 2216; Victoria Hall, Settle, on Saturday, June 4, £12/£10 concessions, 01729 825718;