SOAP law states that at any one time small communities must have the following members: the gay one, the black family, the wronged madman who could murder at any time and the nice-but-dim couple.

In Emmerdale there's been a gap in the gay market since resident lesbian Zoe left the village (incidentally, she also occupied the "mad" role pretty well).

And stepping up to the position is unlikely candidate Debbie Dingle who's taken to snogging exotic Christina Ricci lookalike Jasmine.

But being a Dingle, her dad Cain wasn't having any of it.

"Where's Jasmine?" he asked Debbie. "At home getting changed? Her turn to wear the dungarees is it?"

"I thought you'd be more into drinking real ale now," he told her as she drank as lemonade.

And when his taunts didn't work Cain turned to the tried-and-tested method - coming on to your daughter's lesbian lover.

Why every woman in the village seems to fall at the feet of Cain Dingle is beyond me, but all he seems to have to do is stare intently into their eyes and insult them a bit in his "bad boy" manner.

Before long Jasmine was naked in his cabin office.

This is a man who rarely cuts his hair, let alone brushes his teeth and has a face so pock-marked he makes Dean Gaffney look good. Perhaps he has amazing aftershave.

Expect to see Cain, fragrance for men in the shops in time for Father's Day.