THEY say revenge is a dish best served cold and there's nothing quite like socking a blow to a critic by becoming an overwhelming success.

Last night's My Appalling School Report (BBC2) was half an hour of watching the underdog who'd come good. A far cry from today's namby pamby language enforced by the National Curriculum, the biting sarcasm of the 1950s school master was a joy to behold.

The best being Norman Wisdom's report.

"This child is every inch the fool; luckily for him he's not very tall," the witty teacher commented.

If a kid came home with that in his back-pack the teacher would be out the door in a week.

With contributions from Bill Oddie, Fiona Bruce, David Puttnam and Gyles Brandreth it showed there is a glowing future for those of us who aren't necessarily teacher's pet.

Other gems were Roy Hattersley's must try harder', Jeffrey Archer's destined to be a great storyteller or politician', John O'Farrell's adds a new dimension to the word idleness', Margaret Thatcher's her cheeriness makes her a very pleasant member of her form' and Michael Winner's abominably rude'.

School reports are strange things. A source of comedy but you've got to admit it's difficult to not take what they say seriously and they're often kept and handed down.

Michael Winner admitted: "The greatest thing ever written about me in my life was in a school report. It said Michael is very popular because he takes up the cause of any child he feels is being unfairly treated. As a result he is much admired.'"

Well, it's better to be known for that than those blasted car insurance ads.