JUST a minute my dear old thing,’ says Henry Blofeld, breaking off momentarily in mid-sentence, ‘I think my Trout is boiling over. Back in a jiffy.’ As quick as you could mutter, Duckworth Lewis, the irrepressible Blowers is on the end of the line again after rescuing his supper from the very real prospect of incineration.

“Now, where were we old chap?

When I tell him I heard him speak on the radio a couple of hours earlier, he declares: “I hate listening to myself on the radio.

“I always think I sound such an ungovernably, pompous prat.”

“But do you know what,” he added, “I’m the luckiest man in the world. I get paid for doing what I love, and occasionally someone picks up the bill for lunch.”

Blofeld has been a commentator on the much-loved Test Match Special programme since 1974, and now he has teamed up with TMS chum Peter Baxter, the other elder statesman of British broadcasting, for a special show, Memories of Test Match Special, that pitches up at Burnley Mechanics on Saturday week.

Blofeld’s craft, and he does it brilliantly, is to paint a Technicolour picture for his army of listeners scattered across the globe, and it has endeared him to millions.

“There are very boring bits in cricket, especially in a Test match because it is a timeless exercise,” he added.

“A game of cricket is like a symphony – it’s got passages of quick, slow, quick.

“In the slow passages, when nothing much is happening, if you don’t go outside the game, I think listeners get rather bored.

“I’m sure I’m irritating to some people, and I’ve had some unbelievably rude letters.”

Passing pigeons, butterflies, helicopters, ladies in pink dresses, jet liners, tube trains and the odd kestrel have all formed part of Blofeld’s excitable sightings.

“As a commentator I think it’s crucial to describe the world beyond the boundary, whether it is a red double-decker bus stuck in traffic or a pigeon flying over long leg.

“But TMS is a typically English thing. The programme is approachable, charming and friendly and I think that’s why half of the audience is women.”

This year is the 100th anniversary of John Arlott’s birth. Blofeld rates him as the greatest cricket observer and writer.

“John was an extraordinary man, a master of his craft,” he added.

“In fact, he gave me my favourite cricketing tip.

“John said: ‘Listen Henry if you go to cricket with a couple of bottles of wine, always remember to take two corkscrews. Because if you take one and it breaks, you’re stuffed.”

Listening to his stories is like wrapping yourself in a warm, comfortable blanket.

“I remember the dearly missed Brian Johnston was commentating next to me at Headingley when a dachshund ran on the pitch,” he chuckled.

“I think it was the 1976 Test between England and the West Indies. The hound careered across the pitch and Brian looked straight ahead and said: ‘I can tell you that this dachshund is definitely a fast bowler.

“The reason I know he is a quick bowler is that he’s got four short legs and his balls swing both ways.”
Blofeld, though, is keen to stress, a surprising portion of the show is not about cricket.

“People say, ‘We had no idea it was like this.

“We thought it was a cricket show.’

“But it’s not. And if you think you’re going to learn how to play a sweep shot or bowl or a flipper, you’ll sadly be disappointed.

“But you will hear about all the Test Match Special cock-ups, the hilarious moments, and great characters like Aggers (Jonathan Agnew) and Christopher Martin Jenkins, another wonderful friend who is no longer with us.

“I was 75 last week, and I don’t want to stop. Retirement? Not a chance.

“Either the Almighty retires me or the BBC does.”