IF LIKE me, you're half-thinking about taking your first wavering step on to the property ladder, last night's Channel Five documentary At War with Next Door may well have put you off for life.

"You're filth!" spat the unpleasant Jamie to his equally unpleasant neighbour Hazel after she accused him of beating his wife.

The next part of his sentence about her husband was so bad it was too slanderous to be broadcast and we were left to wonder what on earth it was he could possibly have done.

Talk about neighbours from hell - these pair were so bad they almost cancelled each other out.

Into the battle zone waded former UN commander Colonel Bob Stewart to use his experience mediating in Bosnia and Northern Ireland for the greater good.

He may have seen sights that would shock the life out of most of us in war torn climates but it didn't seem to have prepared him for the venom he would witness at the hands of these two neighbours.

And who would blame him? When a washing line tied to a garden fence post is seen as an act so despicable revenge must be taken you know you're in trouble.

Thankfully Colonel Stewart vowed to carry on helping the hideous families after the show ended.

"I don't think it's fair for me to interfere in people's lives then just walk away. That's not my way."

I'm not holding my breath on a reconciliation.